Two. When you are angry, do not respond.
Three. Do not decide when you’re sad."
I’m so confused. And sad was an understatement.
I am just so conflicted and stressed and it’s really hard to convey. My entire life here is up in the air. I don’t know about university yet, I haven’t heard anything from the 15 jobs I applied to, I don’t have any friends. Like my entire existence here, my entire substantiated life is completely out of my control. When I’m this stressed, I’ve been able to find a source of comfort for the last 20 years, and that was in my mum and my dad and my sister. No matter how bad it got, we were this little group that could stick on a movie eat a pizza and have a laugh and it was so solid. And yet there were times when I was curl up and cry just like I am at the moment wishing to be 5,000 miles across the Atlantic because that’s where my heart was, that was home.
And now that I’m here in this crazy, beautiful, but totally distressing situation I’ve come to a horrific realization that I can’t even articulate. Imagine someone cutting your heart in two, splitting everything. It’s as if no matter where home is, it can only be half a home. If I’m in Glasgow my heart breaks over the beautiful people I know are back in San Diego. And when I’m in San Diego, there are nights like these where I sit up until four in the morning looking at pictures of Glasgow and my family wishing I was here.
This is the most confused and emotionally drained I have ever been in my entire life. Screw the nasty breakups and heart aches, this takes the cake.